In the past week I have realised many things about myself, my work and my ideas and how lost I have become. When working so hard to achieve something in a city that offers you barely anything you become an inward thinker, unable to open your mouth and produce what you want when you want because it's not financial viable, or better yet there's nothing around you or nobody around you to inspire you.

I got into fashion because I thought it would be a great way to progress into a world of photography that seemed exciting, I thought it might help me propel myself into an industry I so desperately wanted to be a part of but it has left me slightly bitter, misguided and very cynical. There is a reason these thoughts came to my mind but that is personal, so it will stay personal, however it has taken me meeting someone to realise that things need to change. My world needs to change, this work needs to change and the message needs to change. The world really needs to change.

Fashion images are beautiful, they look great but what is the message. I feel it has become - I say become, but we all know it's been much longer - a tool that people shape themselves with but for all the wrong reasons. In particularly, women. Are we equal or are we an object? Is it the case that we can be the most successful or inspirational or generally amazing woman in the world but still not be perfect because we aren't 'hysically beautiful'? I am and have been constantly surrounded by these beauty ideals for two years of my work and for my entire life but I believe I was lucky. I only became body conscious very recently and aspired to be the ideal but lucky for me, I have realised it sooner rather than later. Unfortunately for many, you're stuck trying to look perfect, feeling like shit when you don't, reading these magazine, starving yourself, pushing yourself to unreachable limits.. but for what? I'm not saying I don't like to dress nicely, or wear make-up but my concern is to what length people go, what the implications of this are to their mental health and also what this means for the rest of the world, which could lead me onto unethical consumerism but maybe I can save that for another time. I'll be the first to admit, I have bought items from Primark because they are cheap and look nice, but what are the implications? As I said though, another time.

It's hard for me to continue this entry because I don't know where to go from here.. I lack structure and have too much I want to say. My text is always a stream of consciousness but one of my many concern is about gender inequality, as many as there are smart and good people around, this world is governed by patriarchal views, old fashioned opinions and oppression towards many. Homosexuals, the transgendered, woman, people from different cultures and much more.

My work has taken a different direction now. I will be dabbling in areas I've only ever thought about previously and I will even continue to shoot 'fashion' but I only want to produce work that has a point or a message. I'm not saying all my work will be political or everything I say will be over-egged with feminist 'waffle' but my work will be something different. Although I am a feminist, do not make the mistake of judging me on a simple title, my feminism is additional aspect of who I am and funnily enough, not all feminist are old hairy lesbians who like to moan. The way I plan to express my feminist views is through my work and I will not pretend to know everything about anything but one thing I do know is the world is a pretty fucking screwed up place right now and I don't want my kids or my kids kids to be stuck in something that is rotten at it's core. Any fashion images I produce will be for a purpose different for many of the fashion images young creatives seem to be shooting today.

For all of those who want to question or criticise, be my guest. For all of those who want to see how my work progresses, keep an eye on my personal blog.